Fun At The Fire Palace
by Luna Cat Kitty
Summary: So, you somehow got in to the Fire Lord's Palace.  Whether it was by force, shipping yourself to the front door, or bribery, congratulations!  Now here's some fun things you can do to entertain yourself.


**This is what happens when one gets bored with a friend and there are hardly any other carbon based life forms in the general vicinity.**

**I don't own any famous things mentioned. Or Avatar.**

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><p>So, you somehow got in to the Fire Lord's Palace. Whether it was by force, shipping yourself to the front door, or bribery, congratulations! Luckily for you Ozai was in a good mood and let you live there rent free. Well, unfortunately for you, the Fire Palace is much more boring then you were led to believe. Well, they are in the middle of a war, and Zuko's too angsty to be much entertainment. So you found a list of fun things to do. Hopefully you are able to survive.<p>

1. Start off small, go for the guards. The easiest thing to do is put itching powder in their uniforms and then sit back and enjoy the show.

2. Make a royal looking document that proclaims that all soldiers are now required to wear togas. Be sure to forge Ozai's signature and somehow get his royal seal stamped onto the piece of paper.

3. Remove all the pointy objects from any weapons and replace them with bananas. Again, sit back and watch the show. Just hope the palace doesn't get attacked, there's an eclipse soon you know.

4. Now that you messed with the guards, now go for servants. Find an unattractive man servant and tell him that Azula wants some 'relaxation time' and she has chosen him for the honor of doing it. Have him strip down and wait on the bed. Go up in the vents and watch the show.

5. Find another servant and tell him that Fire Lord Ozai is upset about late delivery of his chocolate pudding and he demands him fill his bathtub with it.

6. Rig the palace with an extensive surround sound speaker system that only you know how to work. Be sure to play horrible music all the time. Also be sure to play Friday by Rebecca Black on repeat all day on every Friday.

7. Now that the guards and servants are taken care of, one can't forget about the few Dai Li agents that are floating around. Tell them that Azula ordered them to brainwash Ozai into wanting to go to Disney Land.

8. Go up to a Dai Li agent and ask him if he ever used his rock gloves to grope someone. It isn't much of a joke, but it will satisfy your curiosity.

9. Go up to the Dai Li commander and tell him that Azula wants to practice by having them ambush her. She will pretend to be confused and ask what is going on. Tell him to continue attacking until Azula is captured or gives up. Follow Azula around and enjoy the show.

10. Go to the Dai Li commander and tell him that Azula is bored and demanded that they all dress up and act like turtles.

11. Replace the giant map in the war room with football game plans. Include the x's and o's.

12. Replace all the tapestries with cheesy motivational quotes like "Yes we can!" and "Hang in there!" Be sure there are cute kittens in the posters.

13. At the next party, tell all the musicians that the Royal Family wants them to play the Chicken Dance. They should also be encouraged to learn the dance moves.

14. Tell Ozai that Azula wants to join him for a swim and that she wants him to bring her swimming suit. Then hand a small pathetic string to the Fire Lord and run for your life.

15. If you have survived the previous attempt with Ozai, push your luck and try it with Zuko. Tell him Ozai wants to join him for a swim in order to be a better father. Hand him a bundle of string saying that's the swim suit Ozai wants him to wear and be sure to have them both at the swimming area at the same time. Run for your life after you enjoy the show.

16. If you're miraculously alive, somehow get Azula to go to the desired swimming area to ensure your safety. Hopefully.

17. Go up to Azula and tell her that Ozai wants her to be Fire Lady. Give her a pair of lingerie and tell her to meet Ozai in his chambers. Run for your life.

18. Sneak into the Royal Family's rooms at night and then shave them bald. Act surprised when you see them in the morning and try to hide your snickering.

19. Right before a banquet, be sure to slip lots of laxatives into the food. Plug up all the toilets. Enjoy the banquet and the food you stole from the kitchen. Be sure to act like you have to go to the bathroom, or you will surely die.

20. Now it is the day of the eclipse, and everyone knows that the Avatar is coming to attack the palace. Play Lady Gaga's Born This Way on the speaker system, yank Ozai's goatee, and call him a drag queen. Now proceed to try and find Aang before you are brutally electrocuted.

Now that you have somehow miraculously survived your adventures at the Fire Palace, you are now staying with the Avatar and his friends. Luckily for them, they are very interesting compared to the Royally Bald Fire Family, but if you get bored, hopefully these ideas could be put to good use once again.


End file.
